{"id":103944,"date":"2023-10-19T11:01:58","date_gmt":"2023-10-19T08:01:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?p=103944"},"modified":"2023-10-19T11:02:02","modified_gmt":"2023-10-19T08:02:02","slug":"haz-de-necaz-388","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?p=103944","title":{"rendered":"Haz de necaz"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Se cauta un medic<\/strong><br>O domni\u015foar\u0103 dr\u0103gu\u0163\u0103 se \u00eentorcea c\u0103tre cas\u0103, venind de la serviciu cu ma\u015fina. Seara, traficul aglomerat, ea obosit\u0103, deodat\u0103 chiar \u00een fa\u0163a ei, se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 un cumplit accident de circula\u0163ie: un autoturism love\u015fte un pieton. Disperat\u0103, opre\u015fte, las\u0103 ma\u015fina, po\u015feta, tot \u015fi se repede s\u0103 acorde primul ajutor accidentatului. \u015eoferul vinovat coboar\u0103 \u015fi el \u00eennebunit, se repede la ea \u015fi o \u00eembr\u00e2nce\u015fte violent \u00eentr-o parte:<br>\u2013 La o parte, sunt asistent medical de urgen\u0163\u0103!<br>Tipa se d\u0103 la o parte \u015fi prive\u015fte eforturile disperate ale b\u0103rbatului de a-\u015fi resuscita victima. Nereu\u015find, tipul se \u00eentoarce spre ea \u015fi strig\u0103:<br>\u2013 Ai un telefon mobil? E nevoie de un medic!<br>La care tipa r\u0103spunde:<br>\u2013 Sigur, am un telefon mobil, uite-l. Dac\u0103 \u00eens\u0103 ai nevoie de un sfat al unui medic, m\u0103 po\u0163i \u00eentreba chiar pe mine\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Perseveren\u0163\u0103<\/strong><br>Un \u015fofer love\u015fte un pieton. Dupa aproape 10 metri ma\u015fina se opre\u015fte \u015fi \u015foferul scoate capul pe geam spun\u00e2nd:<br>\u2013 Fii atent!!!<br>La care pietonul r\u0103spunde:<br>\u2013 Da ce m\u0103, dai \u00eenapoi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Abilit\u0103\u0163i<\/strong><br>EA:<br>\u2013 Voi b\u0103rba\u0163ii n-a\u0163i opri nici \u00een ruptul capului s\u0103 \u00eentreba\u0163i care e drumul. Mai bine pierde\u0163i 2 ore pe drum \u00een plus!<br>EL:<br>\u2013 Pierdem noi dou\u0103 ore, dar recuper\u0103m la parcarea cu spatele\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Parcare<\/strong><br>C\u00e2nd so\u0163ia intr\u0103 \u00een cas\u0103, so\u0163ul o \u00eentreab\u0103:<br>\u2013 Ei, ai reu\u015fit s\u0103 bagi ma\u015fina \u00een garaj?<br>\u2013 Da dragule, r\u0103spunde ea, vizibil jenat\u0103, cum s\u0103-\u0163i spun\u2026 cea mai mare parte din ea\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vitez\u0103<\/strong><br>Agentul de circula\u0163ie opre\u015fte o ma\u015fin\u0103 condus\u0103 de o doamn\u0103 \u00een v\u00e2rst\u0103:<br>\u2013 Doamn\u0103! Nu e bine s\u0103 conduce\u0163i cu 20 km\/h, fiindc\u0103 st\u00e2njeni\u0163i circula\u0163ia!<br>\u2013 Dar eu numai am respectat limitarea de vitez\u0103 de 21 km\/h.<br>\u2013 Doamn\u0103! Acel indicator nu arat\u0103 limitarea de vitez\u0103, ci faptul c\u0103 rula\u0163i pe Drumul Na\u0163ional nr. 21.<br>\u2013 Z\u0103u? Multumesc mult\u2026<br>Agentul observ\u0103 c\u0103 pasagerii stau \u00eentr-o lini\u015fte morm\u00e2ntal\u0103 \u00een ma\u015fin\u0103.<br>\u2013 Doamn\u0103! De ce stau a\u015fa \u00eencremeni\u0163i pasagerii dvs?<br>\u2013 Oh, nu au nimic\u2026 \u00cenc\u0103 nu \u015fi-au revenit de c\u00e2nd am virat de pe Drumul Na\u0163ional nr. 195.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Pe contrasens<\/strong><br>Un tip merge pe autostrada 57 cu ma\u015fina \u015fi ascult\u0103 radioul, la un moment dat, la radio, crainica anun\u0163\u0103: \u201cAten\u0163ie, pe autostrada 57, un nebun merge cu vitez\u0103 pe contrasens\u201d.<br>Tipul, foarte enervat: \u201cnu unul, sunt sute, sute!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Tipic feminin<\/strong><br>O femeie foarte frumoas\u0103 are un accident destul de grav: ma\u015fina ei se ciocne\u015fte cu a unui b\u0103rbat. Ma\u015finile lor nu mai sunt dec\u00e2t ni\u015fte epave. Se t\u00e2r\u0103sc deci, afar\u0103 din gr\u0103mezile de fiare respective \u015fi femeia intr\u0103 \u00een vorb\u0103:<br>\u2013 Dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i b\u0103rbat, iar eu o femeie. Uita\u0163i-v\u0103 pu\u0163in la ma\u015finile noastre. N-a r\u0103mas nimic din ele \u015fi totu\u015fi noi nu avem nici o zg\u00e2rietur\u0103. E un semn c\u0103 Dumnezeu a vrut s\u0103 ne \u00eent\u00e2lnim \u00een felul \u0103sta \u015fi s\u0103 devenim prieteni.<br>\u2013 Sunt de acord cu dumneavoastr\u0103, r\u0103spunde b\u0103rbatul flatat. Trebuie s\u0103 fie un semn.<br>Dup\u0103 un moment de t\u0103cere, femeia continu\u0103:<br>\u2013 Ia uita\u0163i, \u00eenc\u0103 un semn. Toat\u0103 ma\u015fina mea e f\u0103cut\u0103 praf, dar sticla de vin din interior este intact\u0103. Dumnezeu a vrut cu siguran\u0163\u0103 s\u0103 bem \u00een cinstea acestei<br>\u015fanse unice de-a fi r\u0103mas \u00een via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi de a ne fi \u00eent\u00e2lnit.<br>Ia sticla \u015fi o intinde omului. B\u0103rbatul o deschide suspicios \u015fi, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, bea jum\u0103tate din ea \u015fi o \u00eentinde femeii \u00eenapoi. Ea o ia, \u00eei pune dopul la loc \u015fi o d\u0103 din nou b\u0103rbatului.<br>\u2013 Dumneavoastr\u0103 nu vre\u0163i? \u00eentreab\u0103 acesta mirat.<br>\u2013 Nu. Eu\u2026 cred c\u0103 o s\u0103 a\u015ftept Poli\u0163ia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sursa turatii<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Se cauta un medicO domni\u015foar\u0103 dr\u0103gu\u0163\u0103 se \u00eentorcea c\u0103tre cas\u0103, venind de la serviciu cu ma\u015fina. Seara, traficul aglomerat, ea<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":98227,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[83],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-103944","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-rubrica-de-umor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/emoji.webp","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p61naM-r2w","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103944","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=103944"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103944\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":103945,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103944\/revisions\/103945"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/98227"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=103944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=103944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=103944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}