{"id":117527,"date":"2024-10-31T09:54:43","date_gmt":"2024-10-31T07:54:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?p=117527"},"modified":"2024-10-31T09:54:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-31T07:54:45","slug":"haz-de-necaz-605","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?p=117527","title":{"rendered":"Haz de necaz"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"512\" height=\"512\" data-attachment-id=\"117530\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?attachment_id=117530\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?fit=512%2C512&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"512,512\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"image\" data-image-description=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?fit=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?fit=512%2C512&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?resize=512%2C512&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-117530\" style=\"width:418px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?w=512&amp;ssl=1 512w, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-44.png?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 512px) 100vw, 512px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"236\" height=\"280\" data-attachment-id=\"117531\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?attachment_id=117531\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-45.png?fit=236%2C280&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"236,280\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"image\" data-image-description=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-45.png?fit=236%2C280&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-45.png?fit=236%2C280&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/image-45.png?resize=236%2C280&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-117531\" style=\"width:394px;height:auto\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Un vampir isi ia vacanta si decide sa plece intr-o croaziera.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Pe ce vas va merge?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Intr-un vas de sange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>De ce vrajitoarele folosesc o matura pentru a putea zbura?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Pentru ca aspiratorul era prea greu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>De ce scheletele ies afara numai numai 12 noaptea?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Pentru c\u0103 to\u021bi c\u00e2inii au adormit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>O mama a cumparat fiului ei un costum de Halloween, ca sa-si sperie prietenii.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Mama, ar trebui sa scot eticheta cu pretul, nu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Nu, lasa-l, il speriem si pe taica-tau.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Zombii mananca popcorn cu degetele?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Nu, degetele le mananca separat\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Doua fantome se intalnesc dupa o langa perioada de timp.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Mama, dar ce miros urat ai!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Ce sa fac? Nu m-am spalat de vreo 30 de ani.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>La un hotel in noaptea de Halloween se cazeaza pe rand un francez, un maghiar si un tigan. La receptie fiecare din ei este informat ca la ora 12 noaptea fix apare o fantoma care bantuie prin camere.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Se cazeaza francezul, la 12 apare fantoma. \u201cEu sunt fantoma cu un singur ochi mov!\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Francezul speriat de moarte sare de pe balcon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Se cazeaza maghiarul, povestea se repeta. Sare si el.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cand se cazeaza tiganul, rupt de oboseala se tranteste direct in pat sa se odihneasca. Inevitabil apare iar fantoma care spune: \u201cEu sunt fantoma cu un singur ochi mov!\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>La care tiganul:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Daca nu dispari repede ti-l invinetesc si pe celalalt<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>La poarta cimitirului in noaptea de Halloween este punctul de intalnire a doi vampiri:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Iesim in seara asta?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Sigur ca iesim, stai doar o clipa sa iau ceva cu mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 De ce cari in spate piatra funerara?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Daca ne opreste vreo patrula? Trebuie sa am la mine un act de identitate!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Un copil negru a primit in dar un set de aripi negre de la Dumnezeu.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li> Ce sunt eu, a intrebat copilul, sunt un inger negru?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li> Dumnezeu a ras si i-a raspuns:<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li> Nu, tu esti doar un liliac! Happy Halloween!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Se intoarce un copilas de la scoala:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Mama, copiii imi zic ca sunt vampir!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Lasa, mama, copiii sunt rai, nu ai de ce sa-ti faci probleme. Acum treci la masa ca ti se coaguleaza supa!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Doi vampiri reparau o motocicleta in noaptea de Halloween:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Da-mi o surubelnita!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Poftim!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Aaaarrrrrhhhhh! nu aia in cruce, boule!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>O fata primeste o felicitare de Halloween: \u201cDaca nu vei vedea vreo fantoma de Halloween, uita-te in oglinda. Happy Halloween!\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Discutie intre fete despre party-ul de Halloween<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Fata, trebuie sa fac ceva de petrecerea de Halloween?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2013 Nu, fata! Doar sa nu uiti sa-ti dai jos machiajul inainte sa vii la party.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Unde merg sa inoate mumiile?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>In Marea Moarta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sursa:google(ziarulunirea)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pe ce vas va merge? Intr-un vas de sange. Pentru ca aspiratorul era prea greu. Pentru c\u0103 to\u021bi c\u00e2inii au<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":117515,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[83],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-117527","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-rubrica-de-umor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/img-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C681&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p61naM-uzB","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117527","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=117527"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117527\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117532,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117527\/revisions\/117532"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/117515"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=117527"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=117527"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=117527"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}