Statisticile nu mint! Majoritatea dintre noi am \u0163inut cel pu\u0163in o dat\u0103 \u00een via\u0163\u0103 o diet\u0103 pentru a sc\u0103pa de kilogramele \u00een plus. Am renun\u0163at la alimentele care ne plac, la por\u0163iile generoase, la orele t\u00e2rzii cu popcornul \u00een fa\u0163a televizorului… ce mai, ne-am dat peste cap s\u0103 ajungem la greutatea dorit\u0103. \u00cen aceast\u0103 lupt\u0103 constant\u0103 cu kilogramele \u015fi caloriile, ne-am g\u00e2ndit c\u0103 \u0163i-ar prinde bine pu\u0163in umor pe marginea acestui subiect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00cenvinge foamea \u015fi triste\u0163ea prin r\u00e2s! Iat\u0103 o colec\u0163ie de glume despre diete care s\u0103-\u0163i fac\u0103 ziua mai frumoas\u0103!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
De ce nu ar trebui s\u0103 te \u00eengrijorezi dac\u0103 ai c\u00e2teva kilograme \u00een plus? Pentru c\u0103 oamenii gr\u0103su\u0163i sunt mai greu de r\u0103pit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru un b\u0103rbat o diet\u0103 echilibrat\u0103? R\u0103spuns: c\u00e2te o bere \u00een fiecare m\u00e2n\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cum se nume\u015fte o persoan\u0103 care nu poate \u0163ine o diet\u0103? R\u0103spuns: o desert(oare).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Doctore, cred c\u0103 suf\u0103r de tulburare bipolar\u0103 \u2013 ur\u0103sc s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eengra\u015f, dar \u00eemi place la nebunie s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 s\u0103 fii un vegan fascist? R\u0103spuns: s\u0103 ai intoleran\u0163\u0103 la lactoz\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Care este regele verde\u0163urilor? R\u0103spuns: Elvis \u201eParsley\u201d (traducere \u2013 Elvis P\u0103trunjelul).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ce serve\u015fte un bulimic la desert? R\u0103spuns: dou\u0103 degete pe g\u00e2t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
De c\u00e2\u0163i vegetarieni este nevoie pentru a m\u00e2nca o vac\u0103 \u00eentreag\u0103? R\u0103spuns: de unul, dac\u0103 nu se uit\u0103 nimeni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ai v\u0103zut filmul \u0103la cu spioni despre oamenii gra\u015fi? Se cheam\u0103 \u201eTomorrow Never Diets\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ai auzit de dieta cu usturoi? Nu sl\u0103be\u015fti prea mult, dar prietenii te vor vedea mai slab de la distan\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Am auzit c\u0103 Bruce Willis vrea s\u0103 sl\u0103beasc\u0103. \u00cencearc\u0103 \u201eDiet Hard\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pentru a ajunge la greutatea ideal\u0103, trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc de 3 ori pe zi. Dar c\u00e2t ar trebui s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc noaptea nu-mi spune nimeni…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Urmez Dieta Rota\u0163iei. De c\u00e2te ori \u00eentorc capul, m\u0103n\u00e2nc c\u00e2te ceva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pacientul la doctor<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Pacient: Doctore, vreau s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc c\u00e2t mai mult. Ce trebuie s\u0103 fac? Caloria (substantiv) <\/strong>= un monstru care locuie\u015fte \u00een dulapuri \u015fi ne face hainele s\u0103 par\u0103 din ce \u00een ce mai mici, \u00een fiecare noapte<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dieta (substantiv)<\/strong> = un proces ciudat care const\u0103 \u00een urm\u0103rirea farfuriilor pline ale altor oameni, \u00een loc s\u0103 ne uit\u0103m \u00een propria farfurie<\/p>\n\n\n\n A m\u00e2nca (verb) <\/strong>= o ac\u0163iune pe care o facem atunci c\u00e2nd nu avem nimic mai bun de f\u0103cut<\/p>\n\n\n\n So\u0163ia mea a l\u0103sat un bile\u0163el pe u\u015fa frigiderului, pe care scrie: \u201eChestia asta nu func\u0163ioneaz\u0103, renun\u0163\u201d. Ce s\u0103 vezi? Am deschis f\u0103r\u0103 probleme u\u015fa de la frigider, func\u0163ioneaz\u0103 brici!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Un nutri\u0163ionist \u00een fa\u0163a unui grup de persoane care vor s\u0103 sl\u0103beasc\u0103<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Nutri\u0163ionist: Alimentele pe care le m\u00e2nc\u0103m sunt foarte nocive pentru s\u0103n\u0103tatea noastr\u0103, pe termen lung. B\u0103uturile carbogazoase cu zah\u0103r ne distrug stomacul, alimentele procesate sunt pline de chimicale, carnea e \u00eembuibat\u0103 cu conservan\u0163i, p\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi apa e plin\u0103 de bacterii. \u015ei nu am ajuns \u00eenc\u0103 la capitolul gr\u0103simi. \u015eti\u0163i care este desertul care cauzeaz\u0103 cele mai mari probleme, chiar \u015fi la zeci de ani dup\u0103 ce l-a\u0163i consumat?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Un b\u0103tr\u00e2nel de 80 de ani din mul\u0163ime st\u0103 pu\u0163in pe g\u00e2nduri, apoi r\u0103spunde: \u201eTortul de nunt\u0103…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nu \u00een\u0163eleg de ce nicio diet\u0103 nu m\u0103 ajut\u0103 s\u0103 sl\u0103besc. Le urmez pe toate la virgul\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 tri\u015fez. Uite, azi, de exemplu, am terminat dieta de 2 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni \u00een doar 3 ore. Dar degeaba, nu a avut niciun efect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nu am nicio problem\u0103 cu legumele proaspete, orezul fiert, cerealele integrale sau iaurturile degresate. Numai \u0163ine-le departe de mine c\u00e2nd m\u0103n\u00e2nc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bul\u0103, la \u015fcoal\u0103<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Profesor: Copii, ce sunt vegetarienii? Ciocolata se face din cacao. Care provine dintr-un arbore. Care \u00eenseamn\u0103 plant\u0103. E simplu, ciocolata este… salat\u0103!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cele 10 porunci ale unui novice \u00een diete:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Dac\u0103 ai m\u00e2ncat ceva \u015fi nu te-a v\u0103zut nimeni, nu are calorii. sursa: csid.ro<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Statisticile nu mint! Majoritatea dintre noi am \u0163inut cel pu\u0163in o dat\u0103 \u00een via\u0163\u0103 o diet\u0103 pentru a sc\u0103pa de<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":50747,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-50742","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-social"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/dieta.jpg?fit=613%2C800&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p61naM-dcq","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50742","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=50742"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50742\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50750,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50742\/revisions\/50750"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/50747"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=50742"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=50742"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=50742"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Doctor: O decizie \u00een\u0163eleapt\u0103. Ia s\u0103 vedem, fumezi?
Pacient: P\u0103i… da, cam jum\u0103tate de pachet pe zi.
Doctor: \u00cencep\u00e2nd de acum, f\u0103r\u0103 \u0163ig\u0103ri.
Pacientul \u00eencuviin\u0163eaz\u0103.
Doctor: Alcool consumi?
Pacient: P\u0103i, nu fac excese, beau un pahar cu vin ro\u015fu dup\u0103 masa de sear\u0103, poate \u015fi 1-2 beri pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103.
Doctor: De acum, f\u0103r\u0103 alcool, doar ap\u0103 plat\u0103. F\u0103r\u0103 excep\u0163ie.
Pacientul pare un pic sup\u0103rat, dar se resemneaz\u0103 cu ideea.
Doctor: Cum stai cu alimenta\u0163ia?
Pacient: P\u0103i, normal, m\u0103n\u00e2nc din toate c\u00e2te pu\u0163in a\u015fa.
Doctor: De acum vei urma o diet\u0103 strict\u0103 \u2013 doar legume crude, f\u0103r\u0103 br\u00e2nz\u0103 \u015fi carne.
Pacientul este de-a dreptul \u00eengrijorat.
Pacient: Doctore, nu este totu\u015fi prea strict?
Doctor: Nu vrei s\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u015fti mai mult?
Pacient: Ba da…
Doctor: Atunci e obligatoriu s\u0103 urmezi aceste sfaturi. Dar ia spune, de c\u00e2te ori pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 faci sex?
Pacient: P\u0103i… cam o dat\u0103 pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 a\u015fa, \u015fi doar cu so\u0163ia mea!
Doctor: Nu e bine. Cum pleci de aici, mergi s\u0103 cumperi paturi separate. F\u0103r\u0103 sex de acum \u00eencolo.
Pacient: Doctore… e\u015fti sigur c\u0103 asta m\u0103 va ajuta s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc mai mult?
Doctor: Nu am idee. Dar sunt convins c\u0103, oric\u00e2t \u00ee\u0163i este dat s\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u015fti, \u0163i se va p\u0103rea o eternitate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bul\u0103: Vegetarienii sunt oameni care nu m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 animalele, dar le las\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 hran\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. C\u00e2nd iei masa \u00eempreun\u0103 cu cineva, caloriile nu sunt luate \u00een calcul, deoarece m\u00e2nca\u0163i aceea\u015fi cantitate.
3. Dac\u0103 gu\u015fti din m\u00e2ncarea cuiva, caloriile respective nu se pun la socoteal\u0103.
4. Dac\u0103 cei din jurul t\u0103u se \u00eengra\u015f\u0103, automat tu vei p\u0103rea mai slab\u0103.
5. Dac\u0103 biletul la film vine \u00eenso\u0163it de o g\u0103leat\u0103 de popcorn, nu se pune, doar e gratis!
6. Dac\u0103 \u00eempar\u0163i m\u00e2ncarea \u00een por\u0163ii mai mici, caloriile vor fi mai pu\u0163ine la num\u0103r.
7. S\u0103 gu\u015fti din m\u00e2ncare \u00een timp ce o prepari este esen\u0163ial \u2013 prin urmare, \u015fi s\u0103n\u0103tos!
8. Alimentele care au culori similare con\u0163in aproximativ acelea\u015fi calorii. De aceea e \u00een regul\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eenlocuie\u015fti spanacul cu \u00eenghe\u0163ata de fistic.
9. Ciocolata are un loc special \u00een stomac, de aceea este indicat\u0103 dup\u0103 fiecare mas\u0103. \u00cen plus, are \u015fi scop medicinal: are efect antidepresiv, \u00ee\u0163i d\u0103 energie…
10. Dac\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nci \u00een picioare, caloriile se duc \u00een picioare \u015fi se ard \u00een timpul mersului.<\/p>\n\n\n\n