{"id":84731,"date":"2022-03-29T10:41:08","date_gmt":"2022-03-29T07:41:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?p=84731"},"modified":"2022-03-29T10:41:14","modified_gmt":"2022-03-29T07:41:14","slug":"haz-de-necaz-81","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/?p=84731","title":{"rendered":"Haz de necaz"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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BANCURILE S\u0102PT\u0102M\u00c2NII<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  • Bate cineva la poarta raiului. Sf. Petru:
    \u2013 Mno, ce-i?
    \u2013 Nu \u201dce-i, ci \u201dcine-i\u201d, fr\u0103\u021bioare!
    \u2013 Dumnezeule! \u00cenc-o profesoar\u0103\u2026<\/li>
  • Nu mai putem tr\u0103i din pensia bunicului. Trebuie s\u0103-l angaj\u0103m.<\/li>
  • \u2013 Dragule, spune-mi adev\u0103rul. Sunt ur\u00e2t\u0103 sau a dracu\u2019.
    \u2013 Combinate.
    \u2013 Cum adic\u0103?
    \u2013 E\u0219ti al dracului de ur\u00e2t\u0103.<\/li>
  • \u2013 Auzi, drag\u0103, crezi c\u0103 noul usc\u0103tor de rufe \u00eemi mic\u0219oreaz\u0103 hainele?
    \u2013 Nu, iubito! Frigiderul face asta.<\/li>
  • Un tip merge la un salon de tatuaj.
    \u2013 Ce tatuaj dori\u021bi?
    \u2013 Nu \u0219tiu sigur.
    \u2013 Trebuie s\u0103 fie ceva ce o s\u0103 v\u0103 plac\u0103 toat\u0103 via\u021ba!
    \u2013 P\u0103i, ni\u0219te sarmale!<\/li>
  • \u2013 Doctore, \u00eemi sun\u0103 ceva \u00een ureche.
    \u2013 Nu r\u0103spunde!<\/li>
  • Anun\u021b mortuar:
    \u201dDup\u0103 o via\u021b\u0103 grea, chinuit\u0103 \u0219i plin\u0103 de lipsuri, Dl. Ion Popescu, n\u0103scut la 15.03.1965, \u0219i-a g\u0103sit, \u00een sf\u00e2r\u0219it, pacea \u0219i lini\u0219tea.
    \u00cenmorm\u00e2ntarea so\u021biei va avea loc mar\u021bi, la cimitirul catolic\u2026\u201d<\/li>
  • \u2013 V\u0103 pot deranja pu\u021bin?
    \u2013 Da, cu ce v\u0103 pot fi de folos?
    \u2013 Cu nimic. Am vrut doar s\u0103 v\u0103 deranjez.<\/li>
  • \u2013 Ai ceva de b\u0103ut?
    \u2013 Ap\u0103.
    \u2013 Dar ceva mai tare?
    \u2013 Ghea\u021b\u0103!<\/li>
  • La alimentara:
    \u2013 Br\u00e2nz\u0103 roquefort ave\u021bi?
    \u2013 Ce-i aia?
    \u2013 O br\u00e2nz\u0103 special\u0103, cu mucegai.
    \u2013 Nu, doar p\u00e2ine \u0219i legume roquefort avem.<\/li>
  • \u2013 Nevast\u0103, ciorba asta-i de ieri?
    \u2013 Da! \u0218i dac\u0103 nu m\u0103n\u00e2nci, va fi \u0219i cea de m\u00e2ine!<\/li>
  • La poli\u021bie:
    \u2013 Deci, ho\u021bul v-a furat cerceii, br\u0103\u021bara de aur \u0219i l\u0103n\u021bi\u0219orul de la g\u00e2t?
    \u2013 Da, domnule poli\u021bist.
    \u2013 \u0218i de ce nu a\u021bi strigat dup\u0103 ajutor?
    \u2013 Riscam ca ho\u021bul s\u0103-mi vad\u0103 \u0219i din\u021bii de aur\u2026<\/li>
  • A venit popa, mi-a sfin\u021bit o factur\u0103 \u0219i acuma am mai primit trei.<\/li>
  • \u2013 Ce faci? E\u0219ti bine? De 2 ore \u00eencerc s\u0103 dau de tine.
    \u2013 Eram pe strad\u0103, veneam la tine, s-a auzit o \u00eempu\u0219c\u0103tur\u0103 \u0219i toat\u0103 lumea a \u00eenceput s\u0103 alerge. Dup\u0103 3 ore \u0219i o medalie de aur, mi-am dat seama c\u0103 era un maraton.<\/li>
  • Azi, la sal\u0103.
    Eu \u2013 252, 253, 254\u2026
    Trainerul \u2013 V\u0103 rog opri\u021bi-v\u0103 din num\u0103ratul pl\u0103cilor de gresie \u0219i face\u021bi ceva exerci\u021bii fizice!<\/li>
  • Ziua 17 f\u0103r\u0103 alcool. Dac\u0103 a\u0219 reu\u0219i s\u0103 nu beau nici noaptea, ar fi super!<\/li>
  • La maternitatea din Suceava s-a n\u0103scut bunicul \u0219oferului\u2026 care va conduce primul pe Autostrada Moldovei!<\/li>
  • \u2013 Ieri am f\u0103cut cuno\u0219tin\u021b\u0103 cu p\u0103rin\u021bii iubitei mele\u2026
    \u2013 \u0218i cum a fost?
    \u2013 M-au primit ca pe propriul lor fiu. Tat\u0103l ei chiar m-a b\u0103tut\u2026<\/li>
  • Cei mai mul\u021bi b\u0103rba\u021bi sunt famili\u0219ti convin\u0219i\u2026 de neveste!<\/li>
  • \u00cen Italia, 4 rom\u00e2ni au construit cea mai \u00eenalt\u0103 cl\u0103dire din lume pentru c\u0103 nu \u0219tiau s\u0103 opreasc\u0103 betoniera.<\/li>
  • Nu r\u00e2de\u021bi de cei cu burt\u0103\u2026 sculele bune se \u021bin sub acoperi\u0219!<\/li>
  • A \u00eentrebat Veorica dac\u0103 TENISMEN \u00eenseamn\u0103 zece izmene\u2026<\/li>
  • Nu \u0219tiu cum e la voi, dar la noi dac\u0103 vine cineva \u00een vizit\u0103 cu 3 litri de p\u0103linc\u0103, este considerat rud\u0103!<\/li>
  • C\u00e2nd \u021bi-o trage Enelul se nume\u0219te regularizare!<\/li>
  • E at\u00e2t de frig \u00eenc\u00e2t mi-a cr\u0103pat piatra de la rinichi \u0219i mi-a \u00eenghe\u021bat apa la genunchi!<\/li>
  • Subiecte care se vor da \u00een 2025 la BAC:<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
    1. Se d\u0103 un triunghi cu unul din unghiuri de 30 de grade \u0219i perimetrul de 120 de cm. Colora\u021bi-l.<\/li>
    2. Scrie\u021bi o strof\u0103 favorit\u0103 dintr-o manea de-a lui Florin Salam. Dac\u0103 nu a\u021bi \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat s\u0103 scrie\u021bi, nu-i problem\u0103, important e s\u0103 \u0219ti\u021bi s\u0103 o c\u00e2nta\u021bi.<\/li>
    3. Recita\u021bi Luceaf\u0103rul \u00een g\u00e2nd. Bifa\u021bi DA, dac\u0103 a\u021bi reu\u0219it \u0219i NU, dac\u0103 nu. Oricum, orice a\u021bi bifa, se acord\u0103 3 puncte.<\/li>
    4. Se dau dou\u0103 linii drepte paralele. Se trag pe nas.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
      • A plecat vara \u0219i sunt trist. Mi-a pl\u0103cut tare mult! N-am \u00een\u021beles de ce nu i-a pl\u0103cut nevestei. Doar era vara ei\u2026<\/li>
      • Noi r\u00e2dem de cei cu \u0219coala vie\u021bii, dar n-a\u021bi v\u0103zut tot: urmeaz\u0103 cei cu \u0219coala online!<\/li>
      • \u2013 Cum \u00ee\u021bi dai seama c\u0103 e frig afar\u0103?
        \u2013 \u00cen loc s\u0103 calci \u00eentr-un rahat, te \u00eempiedici de el.<\/li>
      • Azi am dat o fug\u0103 la Baia Mare. E pe hol, vizavi de baia mic\u0103. 🙂<\/li>
      • \u2013 Alo!? Compania de ap\u0103?
        \u2013 Da!
        \u2013 Auzi\u021bi? Din robinet, curge ap\u0103?
        \u2013 Da! Sigur! Dar cum altfel?
        \u2013 P\u0103i, la cum m\u0103 uit pe factur\u0103, ar trebui s\u0103 fie minim Jack Daniel\u2019s!<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n

        Sursa:whatsapp<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        BANCURILE S\u0102PT\u0102M\u00c2NII Bate cineva la poarta raiului. Sf. Petru:\u2013 Mno, ce-i?\u2013 Nu \u201dce-i, ci \u201dcine-i\u201d, fr\u0103\u021bioare!\u2013 Dumnezeule! \u00cenc-o profesoar\u0103\u2026 Nu<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":76445,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[83],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-84731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-rubrica-de-umor"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/realitatearutiera.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/a52a363c6c58435813e63f7e1ff5d9e8-emoji-faces-smiley-faces.jpg?fit=236%2C205&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p61naM-m2D","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84731","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=84731"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84731\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":84736,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84731\/revisions\/84736"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/76445"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=84731"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=84731"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/realitatearutiera.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=84731"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}